Cleanliness in a Restaurant

The Chinese have a custom born out of a need for sanitary eating utensils.  First you pour boiling tea into the cup that you will drink out of.  Next you wash your chop sticks in it and then pour the tea into the rice bowl you will eat out of.  Then you turn your cup over and wash the rim of the cup.  Of course you can’t forget to clean the spoon.  Finally you pour the dirty tea into a pan that will be poured down the drain.

But of course I have questions.  What about the plate that everything sets on?  Why don’t they clean that?  Sometimes in a restaurant the people bring out the tea and it isn’t hot.  No one checks it; I do.  When I ask Xin Jiao about it she says, “it is OK.“  What makes it OK?  Is there some special seal or method to making it OK?  American people want to know!!!  Am I about to contract some malicious disease buy not following protocol?

Xin Jiao will sometimes order me a second bowl of rice in the middle of the meal if she thinks I need it.  Did the staff at the restaurant clean the bowl properly?  I ask Xin Jiao and she says, “It is OK don’t worry!”  But I worry.

1.       Another thing that concerns me is their tables. When a Chinese person chews something they do not want to swallow, they will spit it out on the table. Yes I know it’s kind of gross but is acceptable in China.  The funny thing to me, is the poor of a job they do in cleaning the tables.  The restaurant staff will wipe off a table but little effort is made to actually clean it.  The tables are almost always slightly sticky or greasy.  Why would anyone who is so anal about cleaning utensils tolerated such a filth table?

    You can find restaurants where everything is clean but in general you pay a lot more money there.  I would still advise you to look at everything because I have found filth at the most expensive restaurants too.

    Xin Jiao and I ate at a very nice restaurant in Shaoguan.  The table cloth was not only threadbare and filthy but there were large wet areas too.  Xin Jiao knew this would be an issue with me so she told the person right away to change it.  They came back with the newer cloth or at least I thought it was newer.  They took up the old one and put the new or clean or what ever you would like to call it out and it was just as filthy but it was dry.

    The words flew out of Xin Jiao's mouth and the woman quickly picked that one up and brought a much more acceptable one back and the meal went forward.

    Note: they will clean things if you ask and you may have to ask 2 or 3 times.  They want your business.

    One restaurant we frequent in Shaoguan always take us to the cleanest table they have with out us saying a word.  Xin Jiao says we go there because I think the waitresses are cute, they are, and they pay too much attention to me, and they do.  But the effort they make to keep things clean is what keeps me going back.

Traffic Etiquette

    It has been a little over a week since my last post.  School began and I've been busy chasing my tail so to speak.     

    For a couple of years motor vehicle traffic in China has confused me.  Pedestrians have absolutely no rights even on the sidewalk.  I discovered that there is a pecking order and pedestrians are on the bottom of the totum pole. 

In America crosswalks generally mean that this is a safe place to cross and motorist will slow down for you because of this safety zone.  Not so in China.  A crosswalk is nothing more than a suggestion of where to cross.  If you think for one minute cars or motorcycles will stop, you will be sadly mistaken.  If you choose to walk in front of a car then it is a test of who has the biggest cahones.   If a driver starts honking his horn, which they do almost no-stop, it means he/she is not stopping.  If you still step out then it is a test of the will. 

My method was walk, if they stated honking at me look to see if it was a man or a woman.  If it was a woman then keep walking because she will stop.  If it was a man I generally stopped.  If I saw the slightest drop to the front of the car I stopped, otherwise I walked.

My theory doesn't always work but I am still here to talk about it.

Sidewalks are generally for pedestrians.  Not so in China.  They are for pedestrians, bicycles, motorcycles both electric and gas powered, and cars parking.  I don't know how many times that I was exiting a store when suddenly a electric moped came whizzing by about to run me over.  Problem is being electric they are quite.  How I would like to knock one of the electric powered menaces of the road down with a door to the face.  The problems is most doors either go up or into the store.  Rats.

Funny story.  One day Xin Jiao and I were walking down a narrow street, more like an ally, a car honked behind me and I moved over close to the wall to accommodate the car.  I was pulling a suitcase that didn’t belong to me.  It was pretty small but the man in the car ran over it.  I turned and jerked the suitcase out and looked at the driver.  I yelled at him.  I wanted pull him out of the car and beat his face in.  He looked at me like it was my fault even though he had plenty of room to pass.  You could read his look like, “You stupid American I honked and you were in my way.”  I was angry for a little while but eventually laughed it off.

Making Cakes a Family Affair

On the 25th of July the plan was to go to the next to the oldest sisters house and make cakes.  Xin Jiao calls them cakes but I think the official Chinese name for them is Bak Chang.

It consists of rice cooked in many different spices, a piece of pork and a shiitake mushroom.  The mushroom has a heavenly taste despite the spelling of the name.  That is all wrapped up into a bamboo leaf and boiled for a long time.  It has the most unique taste and I love them.

I believe this is the cake they use to celebrate the Dragon Boat Festival in China.  Xin Jiao is quite the master at making them and this was primarily what she made to sell to business men on the go for breakfast years ago.

Watching everyone working together it was apparent to me that women love getting together to prepare the cakes.  The women had a wonderful day and I had a great time watching them, playing with the child in the picture and letting my butt get sore from all of that sitting.

Three Wheel Terror

This story is about a ride we took that I though we would never survive.

Xin Jiao and I were in the wholesale district in Guangzhou.  We've been there before and each time tring to get a taxi out has proved to be difficult.

On this day it was impossible.  Xin Jiao had made an appointment for us to see a jade dealer.  We were close to that time and needed a taxi to get there.  She suggested the terror of the road; a 3 wheel scooter taxi.  I said absolutely not.  I rode one the very first trip I too to China and didn't want to tempt death like that again but all of the taxi's we tried to flag down were either off duty or headed to a prepaid fare.

Finally I broke down and said OK to the 3 wheeled deathtrap.  One of the things that convinced me was that there was a woman driver there and I was thinking based on my experience with women drivers in China that she would be less aggressive.  Well think again.  I think she was more aggressive.

In the picture above right you see the kind of taxi I am talking about down to the color.  There is one seat behind the driver that is barely large enough for 2 Chinese people not 1 Chinese woman and 1 America man so it was tight.

There is a very small place to put your heals on to rest your feet.  There isn't any protection for your feet.  We strike an agreement and we're off.

A short jaunt down the sidewalk and we are on the street in one way traffic, GOING THE WRONG WAY!!!!! Fortunately it was pre-rush hour BUT it still didn't help my nerves.  She played chicken with a few cars and we narrowly missing them.  I looked at Xin Jiao and she wasn't even flinching. If you look in the rear view mirror of the scooter you will see Xin Jiao.  She doesn't look concerned at all.  I had puckered up so much that my pucker had puckered.  

Then a quick turn and we were on a sidewalk that was loaded with pedestrians.  The only person who seemed to be concerned with this ride was me and I was afraid for everyone.  Look in the mirror again.  Xin Jiao is laughing at my reactions because I am yelling at the driver.

Back onto the street and she was whizzing by cars.  We went through an intersection that caused me concern because the light was RED and there was a bus that I am pretty sure I could have touched the front of had I not been trying to climb over Xin Jiao to get to the other side of the scooter.

I screamed and yelled at the driver and all she did was laugh.  She would pass then cut off a car.  My toes would be within and inch of the front fender of the car and I couldn't move my feet anywhere to get away.

That tan thing in the lower left corner of the picture is my knee not a fender.  The red car is cutting us off and our driver isn't stopping.

When we arrived, safely I might add, I got off of the scooter, got on all fours and kissed the ground.  Xin Jiao and the driver laughed at me.

I told Xin Jiao that I didn't want her riding one of these for any reason.  She patted me on the arm an said OK.  For some reason I don't think she was serious.

The Trip Back Home

As I write this I am already back home in America greatly and missing my wonderful (laopo) wife.  This is the second most difficult part of our relationship.  The most difficult part is actual leaving.  I know I will have more stories to tell but I wanted to let my friends know I was back home; working.

August 1st, Wednesday, in the evening Xin Jiao and spent a long time in a long hug.  It seems like it was an hour long.  We talked, cried, laughed, kissed, cried a little more and told each other how much we were going to miss each other.  This was the most difficult separation for us to to date.

Neither one of us wanted me to leave.  I honestly feel that I could stay there the rest of my life but I don't know how I would support us financially.  I'm sure there is a way but I don't see it.  Well??? I could teach English there but there are certificates to obtain and I am too close to retirement to walk away from my job.

These last few hours together are special.  There is a closeness, a bonding, a gentle time where our love for each other deepens as we know we will be apart for at least one year.  Yes we talk on the Internet almost everyday but it isn't the same.  I can't touch her; I can't feel her heart beat; I can't smell the freshness of her beautiful long jet black hair.

August 2nd.  The trip started out pretty good.  I took a minivan rather than the ferry to Hong Kong.  Xin Jiao and I were at the Holiday Inn at 6:00am and waited about 45 minutes for the minivan.

We watched a young man post the results from the Olympics in the lobby.  It was rather comical to me.   He pulled the previous result from all of the teams listed then put China's new score up then he left.  The US was completely scoreless.  He returned about 30 minutes later with new numbers and began posting them and posted the U.S. last.  It was funny but it was his way of competing I guess.  The hotel was full of Americans.

The minibus arrived and I was whisked off to another location where I was moved from a Chinese minivan to a Hong Kong minivan. This new van would also have 7 passengers.  There were 6 and at the last minute a young woman appeared.  The only place left was in the back seat and she refused to sit there.  After much argument the man sitting next to me moved back there and then she sat next to me.  She verbally fought with some of the passengers and the driver for about 15 minutes.

Once at the airport everything went smoothly.  I did notice at the Delta counter that the people were wearing different uniforms and name badges that previous Delta employees in the U.S.  There wasn't a delta logo on any of them.  I think maybe they are and independent contacting company for Delta. The reason I am pointing it out is because this was the only flight that there wasn't any issues for me.

The flight to Detroit was very good and we arrived 1 hour early but that was also where the problems began.  I was going to have to sit in the airport for 5 hours.  About an hour from the scheduled time for us to leave for Atlanta, Delta told us that the airplane would be 2 hours late due to weather.  NOT AGAIN!!!!!!

True to their word the airplane was 2 hours late.  The new crew arrived and went thought their testing procedures and both engines failed.  At first they said the airplane would be another 2 hours late.  About 30 minutes later they announced that the flight would be canceled because the mechanics were going to need more time.  As I was making arrangements for another flight the gate personnel announced that they found another airplane and we could fly in that one but it would take 1 hour to service it with food and everything. Of course there wasn't any food on the flight.  At the same time I found out that my connecting flight would be delayed and I could possibly make it if I hurried once we landed.

When we landed in Atlanta as we taxied to the terminal people began standing and getting their things.  The attendants told everyone to sit and they did.  This happened 3 times before arriving at the gate.  The attendants announced that there were several people that had tight connections and that they would appreciate it if they would allow these people to get off first.  Well that didn't happen.

Once we arrived at the gate people stood up again.  The attendant announced that the pilot would not allow the doors to be opened until everyone was seated.  All but 9 sat down and they refused to.  There was a standoff for 10 minutes and the standing passengers finally won and we got off.

I went to the next terminal with lightening speed and when I got to the gate the gate had been changed.  Fortunately it was only 3 gates away.  When I arrived there the airplane was still there but the gate agents would not let me on.  They said the door to the airplane was closed and had been for 2 minutes and they would not re-open it for me.  The airplane stayed there another 20 minutes and left with out me.

They put me on standby for another flight and I managed to get on that one but it left at 1:00am Friday morning.  By the time I got home I had been awake 46 hours minus a few little catnaps.

Delta has become absolutely the worst airline in the industry as far as I am concerned.  Their customer service is horrible.  Yesterday I contacted them about it.  I was given a special phone number to call that was suppose to be in the headquarters building.  The woman on the other end really didn't want to listen and told me to go to the website and there was a portal to email them the info.  She said they would respond to my complaint.  I said bull that she was simply putting me off.  I did follow her instructions so we will see.

The jet lag has kicked in full swing and I'm barely able to keep my eyes open at times.  About 8:00pm I'm ready to call it a night.

The Friendships of Xin Jiao

Xin Jiao has the amazing ability to make good friends wherever she goes.  It is a gift; it is one that I admire; it is one that I don't have.

From the very beginning it was apparent to me that Xin Jiao was a special woman.  When we first met in Shenzhen she had friends that she saw all of the time.  Many she associated with because of dancing.  Xin Jiao loves to dance.  We have done quite a bit of it on this trip.


In the evenings in every city I have been to in China people meet in the local parks and practice dancing ballroom style.  But this isn't what the story is about.  It is about the friendships she so easily makes.

On my second trip we met up with former co-workers several times.  Some wanted to check me out and make sure that I was a good man for her.

On this trip we spent an evening with one of her closest friends and their family.  What a grand time we had.  The woman's son in law is a doctor and he decided it was important to check me out to make sure I was healthy enough for Xin Jiao.  I laughed but went along.  After all what were they going to do?  We were already married.  But for Xin Jiao it reassured her that I was OK and it gave her clear guidelines as to what she needed to do to keep me healthy.  You just gotta love it.


What more could one ask for.  A home cooked Chinese dinner where the main course is dumplings along with shrimp and other various delectable dished; a good visit with new people; and a physical examination to boot.


When we were in Guangzhou at the American Consulate on the 16th I had to go to the American services to get a marriageability affidavit form filled out and notarized.  Xin Jiao couldn't go upstairs with me because she isn't an American so she waited in a small restaurant for me to return.


I had been gone 15 minutes when I realized that I needed a document that was in her purse.  When I walked into the restaurant she had already made friends with another woman who was there waiting for some kind of paperwork.  Introductions were made, we talked briefly, I got my paperwork and went back upstairs.


Once I completed the process I went back to the restaurant and the crowd had grown to 5 people.  It turns out that the original woman's two daughters were there along with 2 children.  Xin Jiao told me that one of the daughters was about to move to my city that her husband was a doctor here.  After a little conversation I discovered that her husband lived in Atlanta not Augusta.


When the conversation was over they exchanged cell phone numbers including mine in America.  Every couple of days they call Xin Jiao to talk about something.  She just has that kind of personality and I love it.

Xin Jiao has made friends with two woman married to men who participate along with me on a forum where we discuss dating and marrying Chinese women.  One lives in Canada (in the picture) and the other lives about 1-1/2 hours from my home.  She continues to talk to them via the internet to this day.


Back in Shaoguan as we wondered around the city she would bump into people she hadn't seen in 10 or 20 years and boy the conversations that would take place.  Sometimes I would feel like a piece of meaqt being inspected because she would tell them about her American husband.  That happened about 10 times in a city of about 3.2 million people.


If the people could speak a little English they would tell me how lucky I was to have Xin Jiao as a wife which of course made me very happy.


I am indeed a lucky man.

Nuances of Married Life with a Chinese Woman

Just making the opening title I realize that I could start a war of words with American women.  That isn't my goal.  It is simply to give perspective of what it is like; nothing more.


Having dated Xin Jiao and speaking about it publicly with friends for almost three years now I have discovered that people have perceptions as to how Chinese women are, what they are doing and an American man's reason for marrying a Chinese woman.  In reality the perceptions are false with a small shred of truth in them.


The perception is that an American man is looking for a gorgeous door mat/sex slave is a common myth.  While there are men who are looking for exactly this perception, most men are not.


The perception that Chinese women are looking for a man, any man to bring them to America then to dump them once they get their green card is common also.  While this may be true with a lot of under 35 year old woman most women are simply looking for security and a man who will treat them better than the stereo typical Chinese man.


The older the woman is and having been through one unhappy marriage the more likely they are to have a successful 2nd marriage to an American or Westerner.  My new sister in law told me two years ago that all I had to do was to treat Xin Jiao good and she would stay with me.  In reality isn't that what most of us are looking for?

Xin Jiao's bubbly personality was the first thing that attracted me to her.  Then was her waist length black hair.  The hair issue is a good nuance to start  with.  Xin Jiao is 50 years and doesn't look a day over 40.  He hair is absolutely gorgeous.  She would like to cut it even thought I don't want her to.


Occasionally she will ask me if it is OK for her to cut it.  Now I don't want to say "yes, go ahead and cut it,"  she knows how I feel about it but at the same time I don't feel that I have a right to tell her or to force her to keep it long.


She will ask me 3 or 4 times each year and I always wonder why she does this.  It is the Chinese way.  I have been racking my brain on how to handle this issue because she has asked me again while in China.  She wants me to look professional with short hair and a clean face.  The mustache can stay but she would like to see the goatee go.


I found my answer to the dilemma.  I told her she could cut her hair but that I was going to grow mine shoulder length and a full beard.  Her response?  She will keep her hair long for the time being.  She is happy with the decision.

The next thing is how much she is willing to care for me.  August 1st I got sick.  We went to lunch with her sister Keiko to eat hot pot.  It is incredibly good and maybe someday I'll explain it.  I pigged out.  A few hours later I was sick from my stomach to my southern region.  I thought it was because I ate too much and Xin Jiao was not sick.  She fussed at me.  "You always eat too much...  You always eat too much hot spices...," she would say as she was checking my temperature and feeling my stomach looking for some kind of sign.


Xin Jiao called Keiko to consult about my ailment only to find out that Keiko was sick the same way too and didn't want to talk.  Xin Jiao headed to a local drug store and came back 30 minutes later.  She bought medicine, a topical ointment that smelled like Campho Phenique.  It's is funny because all topical medicines smell like that in China or at least all that I have smelled.

Xin Jiao began applying the medicine to the skin on my stomach and intestines.  She rubbed it in until my skin was dry and then did it again and again and again and again.  The television was on the Olympics in Chinese and she never even looked up.  She focused on my stomach.  I complained about the smell and the fact that it made my eyes water so she put a little in my mustache.  Funny it stopped my eyes from watering.  I don't understand that one.

She did this for the better part of an hour.  I don't know exactly when she stopped because I fell asleep.  When I woke she was watching the Olympics and keeping one eye on me.  She asked me if I was better now.  My stomach didn't hurt but I didn't know if I was better yet.  She told me I was.  A couple of hours later I was hungry and felt like I could eat so Xin Jiao called Keiko and she was still sick.

We went out to dinner but I was put on a strict diet of noodles and soup.  The next morning  Xin Jiao asked me how I slept.  I said good and she said not as good as she would have liked for me to sleep.  Then she asked me how my stomach felt.  All was good.  She was very happy.  I thanked her and she said, "Only for my husband."  You just gotta love it.

Daily she attended to my aches and pains without any request.  She did tell me during one of the therapy sessions that it was my job to go out and earn money, it was hers to tend to my ailments.  Why?  So I could go out and work without pain or illness.


This is a small glimpse into the nuance of married life with a Chinese woman.

The Good, The Bad, and The Granddaughter

After all of the good things that happened on my trip, this day stands out as the one that could have potentially wrecked the whole entire trip and quite possibly our marriage.

To say that Xin Jiao's granddaughter is difficult would be an understatement.  She is terror on wheels if she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it.  The only real problem for me is that Xin Jiao loves her very much and I could see a collision coming between the ganddaughter and me.

That collision happened two days after the wedding photo shoot.  Xin Jiao wanted us to spend the entire day with our granddaughter, Ming Si.  I knew we were in for trouble but me being the dutiful husband I agreed to go along with the plan.


I told Xin Jiao that if she chose to rebell like she had on a couple of other occassions that I would send her back home to her father.

To give you an example one day we went to a restaurant and she wanted to go to the amusement park which was close to the restaurant we going to eat at.  It really didn't matter that it was 2:00pm in the afternoon and we had breakfast at 7:00am we she wanted to ride a few rides.


She would not go into the restaurant.  She chose to throw a temper tantrum on the sidewalk.  I said lets go inside and have dinner.  We went in but Xin Jiao stood there at the window watching.  I tried to get Xin Jiao to come and sit down but she didn't want to lose sight of Ming SI.  Finally Yan, the mother went out and got Ming Si and brought her in.  Then Yan ordered a banana split for Ming Si.  But Ming Si wasn't quite finished with her temper tantrum yet but I did notice that she was watching everyone to see what their response was to her.


When the bill came I also noticed that the banana split was on my bill.  I objected but Xin Jiao asked me to overlook it and pay it anyway.  Then we went to the amusement park to make Ming Si happy.  I said to myself, leave it alone but don't forget.

Back to the day that almost ruined everything.

The plan was to go to McDonald's for breakfast.  It didn't happen because her parents let her stay up too late the night before.  I wonder if it was because she pitched a fit to stay up?

We went to McDonalds for lunch and the place was packing up with people so Xin Jiao asked me to take our ganddaughter to a table and wait.  Well I tried but she was having none of that.  I also understand that I am just this guy that pops in once a year for a few weeks and have no relationship of authority over her but I do even with that understanding, have my limits.

I told Xin Jiao she wasn't doing what I needed her to do and the little monster got a tail chewing and she promised to act right but that only lasted until she was out of her grandmothers field of vision.  She wouldn't budge 10 ft away from where we were going to sit so I did the next best thing.  I picked the little monster up and put her, kicking and screaming, in a seat and told her to shut up.  Then I told her if she didn't stop pitching a fit, that I would take her home back to her father who just lived 2 blocks away.

When Xin Jiao arrived with the food the little darling was crying uncontrollably.  After Xin Jiao was able do calm Ming Si down a little she decided she wanted my much larger soft drink rather than the one that came with her happy (spoiled brat) meal.  When I took my drink it she began crying again.  I told Xin Jiao "take her back to her father, I don't need this."  Well, grandmother ruled in granddaughters favor and the little monster got my coke. 

After we finished lunch Xin Jiao asked me to wait inside McDonald's a few minutes while she talked to Ming Si.  When they finished talking Xin jiao motioned for me to join them.  Ming Si took my hand and for the next few hours we had a delightful, fun, afternoon.  Things went so well I had forgotten the McDonald's issue UNTIL....  we decided to go to supper.


Xin Jiao and I discussed where we would eat and that we would take Ming Si back home after supper.  We were going to eat in a nice restaurant on the fouth floor of a clothing store.  The food was very good, the prices were inexpensive and the young waitresses were not only cute but all of them wanted to speak English with me.


Ming Si decided she wanted to eat somewhere else much more expensive.  Here comes the temper tantrum again.  However this time I dug my heals in on this issue.  I wasn't about to buy a meal for a 5 year old girl and then allow her to tell me where she was going to eat.  I didn't get angry or yell I simply told Xin Jiao that we were eating upstairs where we had decided to eat.  Ming Si wasn't having any of it so I told Xin Jiao to take her home.  Well that made Xin Jiao angry and then she said the only reason I wanted to eat there was because I wanted to flirt with the girls in the restaurant.  (Note to self.  If you are friendly with young women in a restaurant it may bite you in the butt even your wife appears to be OK with it.  Tread lightly with cute young Chinese girls.)  For the rest of my stay in Shaoguan I never suggested that restaurant gain.


Finally I told Xin Jiao to take Ming Si home and I would wait for her at our hotel and then we would go to dinner.  Xin Jiao didn't say a word but turned and left with Ming Si.


As I was walking back to the hotel I began wondering if I hadn't made a big mistake.  I waited and waited.  I even thought this might be the end of our marriage.  I wondered how I would get back to Hong Kong.  Honestly I thought she would not return.


Finally after 3 hours I went down stairs and bought a small package of noodles.  Kind of like Raman noodles only in a bowl.  About half way through eating them Xin Jiao showed up angry with me. She chewed on my butt for quite while mostly in Chinese.  I wanted to laugh at her but I dared not do it. 


The next morning she was talking to me and was being a wife but you could tell she wasn't happy with me.  The next day we went to Guangzhou about 2 hours away to take care of some business.  While we were there we had dinner with our 22 year old son and his new fiance.  She told him what had happened.  I am not sure what all she said but I do know that our son got angry with her and told her that I was right and that I did the right thing and that if she would let me he thought I knew how to put an end to Ming Si's reign of terror.


Later that evening Xin Jiao apologized to me for everything and said that she would trust my judgement from now on concerning our granddaughter.  All I could think of was WOW.  I sent a thank you to our son Jun via email in Chinese.