Nuances of Married Life with a Chinese Woman

Just making the opening title I realize that I could start a war of words with American women.  That isn't my goal.  It is simply to give perspective of what it is like; nothing more.


Having dated Xin Jiao and speaking about it publicly with friends for almost three years now I have discovered that people have perceptions as to how Chinese women are, what they are doing and an American man's reason for marrying a Chinese woman.  In reality the perceptions are false with a small shred of truth in them.


The perception is that an American man is looking for a gorgeous door mat/sex slave is a common myth.  While there are men who are looking for exactly this perception, most men are not.


The perception that Chinese women are looking for a man, any man to bring them to America then to dump them once they get their green card is common also.  While this may be true with a lot of under 35 year old woman most women are simply looking for security and a man who will treat them better than the stereo typical Chinese man.


The older the woman is and having been through one unhappy marriage the more likely they are to have a successful 2nd marriage to an American or Westerner.  My new sister in law told me two years ago that all I had to do was to treat Xin Jiao good and she would stay with me.  In reality isn't that what most of us are looking for?

Xin Jiao's bubbly personality was the first thing that attracted me to her.  Then was her waist length black hair.  The hair issue is a good nuance to start  with.  Xin Jiao is 50 years and doesn't look a day over 40.  He hair is absolutely gorgeous.  She would like to cut it even thought I don't want her to.


Occasionally she will ask me if it is OK for her to cut it.  Now I don't want to say "yes, go ahead and cut it,"  she knows how I feel about it but at the same time I don't feel that I have a right to tell her or to force her to keep it long.


She will ask me 3 or 4 times each year and I always wonder why she does this.  It is the Chinese way.  I have been racking my brain on how to handle this issue because she has asked me again while in China.  She wants me to look professional with short hair and a clean face.  The mustache can stay but she would like to see the goatee go.


I found my answer to the dilemma.  I told her she could cut her hair but that I was going to grow mine shoulder length and a full beard.  Her response?  She will keep her hair long for the time being.  She is happy with the decision.

The next thing is how much she is willing to care for me.  August 1st I got sick.  We went to lunch with her sister Keiko to eat hot pot.  It is incredibly good and maybe someday I'll explain it.  I pigged out.  A few hours later I was sick from my stomach to my southern region.  I thought it was because I ate too much and Xin Jiao was not sick.  She fussed at me.  "You always eat too much...  You always eat too much hot spices...," she would say as she was checking my temperature and feeling my stomach looking for some kind of sign.


Xin Jiao called Keiko to consult about my ailment only to find out that Keiko was sick the same way too and didn't want to talk.  Xin Jiao headed to a local drug store and came back 30 minutes later.  She bought medicine, a topical ointment that smelled like Campho Phenique.  It's is funny because all topical medicines smell like that in China or at least all that I have smelled.

Xin Jiao began applying the medicine to the skin on my stomach and intestines.  She rubbed it in until my skin was dry and then did it again and again and again and again.  The television was on the Olympics in Chinese and she never even looked up.  She focused on my stomach.  I complained about the smell and the fact that it made my eyes water so she put a little in my mustache.  Funny it stopped my eyes from watering.  I don't understand that one.

She did this for the better part of an hour.  I don't know exactly when she stopped because I fell asleep.  When I woke she was watching the Olympics and keeping one eye on me.  She asked me if I was better now.  My stomach didn't hurt but I didn't know if I was better yet.  She told me I was.  A couple of hours later I was hungry and felt like I could eat so Xin Jiao called Keiko and she was still sick.

We went out to dinner but I was put on a strict diet of noodles and soup.  The next morning  Xin Jiao asked me how I slept.  I said good and she said not as good as she would have liked for me to sleep.  Then she asked me how my stomach felt.  All was good.  She was very happy.  I thanked her and she said, "Only for my husband."  You just gotta love it.

Daily she attended to my aches and pains without any request.  She did tell me during one of the therapy sessions that it was my job to go out and earn money, it was hers to tend to my ailments.  Why?  So I could go out and work without pain or illness.


This is a small glimpse into the nuance of married life with a Chinese woman.